I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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