i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
