GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
