Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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