Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Randomize
