I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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