We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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