I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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