I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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