I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
