my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
