Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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