The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
