My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
