Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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