chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
