Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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