You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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