i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
