at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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