Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
