So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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