You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
