I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
