I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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