Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
