I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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