Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
