So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
