Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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