We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
