some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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