Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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