he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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