Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
