How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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