Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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