The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
