we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
