Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
