So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
