he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
