the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
