I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
