you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
