So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
