Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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