Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
