I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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