great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
