so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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