u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
