yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
